Stories for Everyone But You

Fables, fairy and folk tales, re-told and re-vised for no particular reason.

Stories for Everyone But You is Moving! September 6, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — Beatrix Cottonpants @ 4:14 pm

Update your bookmarks and put on your reading hats! (No, not the one with three corners. That’s just silly).

Beatrix Cottonpants and her stories are moving to their very own home at beatrixcottonpants.com. Follow her there for more fables and fairy tales and more screwed up beyond recognition, plau new and exciting features to come!

Stories for Everyone But You,

 

On the new website! October 8, 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — Beatrix Cottonpants @ 11:23 pm

On the new website, I’ve been re-adding the stories you’ll find here, but with pictures and links. There are also book reviews and quizzes and other features (well, one of each now, but MORE ARE COMING).

Please check out www.beatrixcottonpants.com, and update the bookmarks if you have them!

 

The Snow Bunny, Concluded February 10, 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — Beatrix Cottonpants @ 11:34 pm

Click through for the thrilling conclusion of the epic Snow Bunny saga.

The Snow Bunny, Concluded

 

The Snow Bunny January 19, 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — Beatrix Cottonpants @ 11:50 pm

A three part tale of racist mirrors and robotic rabbits with laser eyes. Plus, Gerda and Kay.

Part One: Kay

Part Two: Gerda

Part Three: The Thrilling Conclusion  Coming Soon!

 

Polar Bears, Penguins, and a Dance Off September 9, 2009

Filed under: Fairy Tales — Beatrix Cottonpants @ 10:06 pm

Once upon a time, a man tried to fix his window while his three very cold daughters waited inside. Unfortunately, this particular man had never been good at fixing certain things, and the window turned out to be one of those things.

The situation became so desperate that the man resorted to asking anyone who walked by to help him out with the window. The first passer by to agree was a tall, broad shouldered polar bear, who happened to be very good indeed at fixing windows.

“Thank you, kind bear!” the man said when he was done. “Is there anything I can do for you in return?”

Yes, there was, the bear answered. And then he demanded the man’s youngest daughter for his wife.

When she was informed, tearfully, by her father about the arrangement, she just shrugged and agreed to go.

At this point, the narrator feels obligated to share with you certain information: the two elder daughters were dancers, famous throughout their town for their skill. And their younger sister, the one who agreed to go with the polar bear, was always their choreographer.

This is important because as soon as the girl reached her new home, she found a large crowd of bears waiting to be instructed in dancing. You see, the polar bears had long been at war with the penguins, and it had been decided centuries ago that the only way to resolve the conflict would be through a dance off.

The time for the dance off was drawing near, and the bears had no dance.

And so, the girl thought up a dance, and spent her days and some of her nights teaching it to the bears and having them run through the routine again and again. After some time, she discovered that she was actually quite happy living among the bears.

However, she still longed to see her family. When she thought to discuss her wishes with the bear, he agreed, but gave her one stipulation: she was not to tell her mother about the dance off, or the penguins.

And so the girl went home, and was received with much happiness and many hugs. She stayed up long into the night with her family, and before the sun came up, she told her mother about the dance off. And the penguins.

“That’s silly,” her mother said. “Polar bears live at the North Pole, and penguins at the South Pole. How can they dance against each other?”

The bear was cross indeed when he heard that the girl had told her mother, and what her mother had said.

“Now that that’s been pointed out to us, we will have to travel east of the sun and west of the moon, to where the penguins live.”

It was a very long journey, and the girl became worried that not all of the bears would make it. Every single one was vital for the routine.

Luckily, every bear survived the trip, and they danced their hardest and their fastest, and their routine looked even better than the choreographer could have imagined.

However, they did lose to the penguins. Penguins are fantastic dancers.

The End

Source: East of the Sun and West of the Moon, Asbjornsen and Moe

 

The Ant and his Hoe September 6, 2009

Once upon a time, an ant and a grasshopper made an alliance.

You see, the winter was coming, and had promised, in writing, to be especially harsh that year. So many animals and insects and fish were forming alliances to get through the season.

Several times during the summer, and then during the fall, the ant attempted to get the grasshopper to meet with him and set down assignments for each to accomplish. However, the grasshopper always begged forgiveness and told the ant they’d meet another day.

By the time the winter finally came, the ant realized he had done all the work: he’d collected the food, prepared the food, stored the food, and made several special dishes that had been taught to him by his mother. The grasshopper, however, had done no work at all.

So one cold day, when the grasshopper was watching his soaps, there was a knocking on the door. The grasshopper gladly opened it. He had been anxiously awaiting the food provided by the ant.

Instead, he found the ant waiting with just his hoe.

The ant proceeded to beat the grasshopper with the hoe then, again and again until he lay bloody and twitching on the floor. After a while, he did toss him in the back of his van and take him to the hospital.

And so the grasshopper survived with only a few scars and a lifelong fear of hoes, but he never took advantage of the ant again.

The End.

Source: The Ant and the Grasshopper, Aesop’s Fables.

 

Porpoise and the Dog in the Mirror September 3, 2009

Once upon a time, a dog named Porpoise lived in a very large, very nice house. He wasn’t the cleverest dog ever, but he was loyal and fierce and had nice shining fur, so that was okay.

Sometimes, when Porpoise had no intruders to scare away, or dog food to eat, he liked to explore his big nice house. He almost always found something he’d never seen before, or at least something he’d found once and forgotten about.

One day, he was exploring a new room when, passing by something shiny and silver, he encountered something he’d not seen before: another dog.

It was most certainly a male, a brown dog with black ears and a fluffy tail. But it was snarling, and looked ready to attack.

Porpoise began to growl back, but was interrupted when his owner came in, patted him on the head, and laughed about him growling at the mirror.

As he left the room, he was sure he saw the mirror dog turn into a hippopotamus.

The following day, he walked back up to the mirror, where the dog was waiting. But this time, his smaller owner came and made him go outside and play. This time, the dog thought he saw a rhinoceros watching him leave.

But that night, Porpoise made sure no one else was awake when he returned to the mirror. And the mirror dog was there, waiting, and it seemed to smile.

Porpoise barked and he growled, and his hackles went up, and the mirror dog just snarled and growled and paced.

Not knowing what else to do, the dog took his favorite toy, a light blue kitty and hit it against the mirror.

There was a thud, and a thwack, and a small crack appeared on the mirror. And the mirror dog ran away with its tail between its legs. As it ran, the dog thought it saw it turn into something smaller and softer, with sharper claws and pointy ears.

But his job was done, so Porpoise went downstairs, and slept on the couch until the sun came up.

The End

© Beatrix Cottonpants Original